Fun fact; I love dandelions. Have you ever noticed that they have three stages of life? They start yellow, bold and bright. Kids pick them and make their parents “bouquets”. In wild fields, their bright yellow disposition adds beauty and light to an otherwise overgrown mess. Soon, they move to the white, fluffy stage. Soft, open, and fun to play with, the dandelion has grown to a mature flower. In the end of their life phase, they spread their seeds so they continue living even when they are long gone. I have always associated their stages with the sun, moon and stars.
Yellow Sun, White Moon, Stars wide among us.
Their stages of life are reminiscent of our stages of life as humans. We start young, wild, vibrant and free, soon turn into soft, open, mature people, and eventually, spread our seeds. In the blink of an eye, it felt like everyone was at the “spread our seeds” phase of life, and I can’t keep up.
My instagram feed has turned into pregnancy announcements, newborn photos, and couples with their kids. All of the blogs I used to follow are now mommy blogs. At one point this morning I thought to myself “is there any blog for the married person who might not want kids?”
Before we married, Mark and I discussed kids, a lot. To me, it was an important topic that I continually drove home. First and foremost, I knew that even though we were marrying young, I did not even want to think about children until I was at least 31. Even then, it’s just a discussion. I also felt strongly about having only one child, a conversation we joked about often. “Okay baby, we’ll start with one.” There is also no guarantee that we’ll be able to have children. We tend to have this idyllic mindset that having a baby is a natural occurrence. Knowing many people in my life who had the opposite experience, I have always leaned towards the pessimistic side of this conversation. (And, while there are many “I’s” in this paragraph, please note that this was a “we” topic through and through. I am writing from my perspective.)
“Will you still love me and want me even if I can’t make you a dad?”
“Of course I will. We’ll adopt, we’ll look into other options, or, we’ll get some more dogs.”
As our world progresses, it is more and more clear that women are choosing to take this route. And, guess what? It’s perfectly okay. YES! It’s perfectly OKAY for a woman to choose not to have children. Oh, and a woman is still a woman even if they cannot have children. The truth is, having children is a choice, and, it’s a conversation couples should have, revisit it, and have again and again.
It’s been wild to see people I went to high school as mom’s. Or, the girl you were crazy with in college suddenly a mom to two adorable children. Watching as the world around me transitions into the next step of their life isn’t the worse thing. I mean, they are producing some wildly adorable children.
As of last week, we do not know if we are going to have children. Being a teacher, Mark sees the entitlement growing among parents and children. His fear is how we would ever counteract society. “Could we raise a child with our values or would it be influenced by society?” I guess we won’t know unless the time comes. However, for now, we are happy as just us three.