Blac Chyna is Not a Victim

A week after the infamous morning where Rob Kardashian unleashed his inner Khaleesi on Blac Chyna and I’m still reeling in all of this Kard-chyna drama. (also, trying to coin that nickname)

First and Foremost: There is a victim in all of this and her name is Dream Kardashian. This baby is innocent and deserves better parents, period. They both are shameful and this poor baby is going to suffer the consequences of googling her name one day, and the results are all their fault,

 

 

While most people are blaming Chyna because she is not the “perfect victim” and we live in Trump’s misogynistic America, I disagree with those particular points. She does not deserve to be exploited by a man because she was a stripper. Yes, she has exploited her body before, but, she was in control of her body in those moments. Not a man. And, yes, she is  an opportunist who is trying to rise above the cyclical nature of her socio-economic past, and frankly, her ways aren’t unlike some other famous friends of hers…

 

It’s not a shock to any of us that Blac Chyna saw a major opportunity when she met Rob. Let’s be honest, Rob’s depression, paired with his black t-shirt, sweatpants, and sandals game is not exactly turning all the women on. (Also, please note- I am not commenting on his weight because his weight has nothing to do with overall attraction) 

However, Rob showed an interest in Blac Chyna and she saw a way to further her career. It’s a simple equation, really:

Dating Rob= E! + flat tummy tea promos^2

His reality is an illusion and it was a world Blac was willing to live in for while. Paparazzi, more social media followers, more promos all came when her name became linked with Rob.  Her business endeavors began to gain traction, and, she was being pictured everywhere. She was climbing the celebrity ladder. Unfortunately, a few weeks of unprotected sex (GUYS, WHY?! She’s a known stripper and you know he’s hiring strippers WHY WOULD YOU RISK YOUR BODIES LIKE THAT?!) resulted in a pregnancy, and the rest unfolded on a television series in which they were paid $5 million dollars for.

While most believe she intentionally got pregnant, I happen to think it was a mistake that freaked her out. Yes, on the one hand that baby will forever be taken care of by the Amazonian like clan, but, I don’t think she wanted this “relationship” to get this far. Especially to the point where now they’re tied into legal drama.

She is a victim:  she did share those pictures privately with Rob. She did trust Rob with those pictures. (let’s be honest, ladies and gents- most of us have shared nudies, and it does need a lot of trust). However, she is also the bully in this situation. And, her plan has backfired on her in a big way.

She manipulated Rob, a known maniac depressive with SEVERE self-esteem issues that manifest to larger issues. His storyline has played out season after season of every Kardashian show and spin-off possible. His family and friends have struggled desperately to save Rob, and have only recently established boundaries for him to fix himself.

Unfortunately, Blac did not set up those boundaries. Instead, she sent him nudes, but, then would tell him it was over. She would have sex with him, but, then sent him videos of her with another man. If she really wanted to cut ties with Rob, she would have done so in a clean way. She wouldn’t have taken his money for the surgery, she wouldn’t have obliged when he asked for nudes, and she would have established boundaries sooner. Instead, she played the game with him until it backfired. And, now, the ever so opportunistic Angela is wearing a white suit to court with a powerful lawyer in tow. (while posing for snapchats in the parking garage)

 

Rob was wrong for sharing her nudes, simple as that. But, Blac Chyna was wrong for stringing him along. For toying with his emotions. For not being a real woman and saying “let’s co-parent, and nothing else” sooner. She is wrong for doing an interview before her court hearing. If she truly wanted the restraining order for the right reasons (a.k.a.- so her face isn’t all over the tabloids) she should have approached this quietly. She, being the mentally stable one in this situation, should have stood the higher ground. However, she is using all of this as yet another opportunity. She is trying to turn her loss around, and she’s doing so by attempting to control the narrative.

The real problem here is our insensitive culture to mental health and awareness. Rob Kardashian was wrong, a point that has been outlined numerous times. However, read deeper into his tweets and you’ll see that this mentally unstable person found stability with someone. He created a reality for himself where he finally had a nucleus family of his own. He was able to re-imagine a better life for himself, with Blac and Dream the cornerstones of those images. His heart was shattered, and, unfortunately for him, he is unable to process situations in a rational way. His actions were simply a reaction to being poked and led on for so many months.

Sharing her nudes violates trust and the law.  Men should never be able to have that control over women. It’s prove that we still have a long way to go with gender and social norms.

However, we should never use our sexuality to manipulate someone. We should never succumb to “favor texts” and we should respect ourselves enough  not to take part in sexual context if we’re not 100% committed to that person. (I’m not saying we should be engaged or married to participate in sexual endeavors, either. We should, however, not be “broken up” and still sending them) 

She may not be the perfect victim, however, he’s not the perfect bully either.

 

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A New Milestone

 

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On Monday, we received the phone call we have been anxiously awaiting since the beginning of June.

Mark, Leanne- Hi! You can put the voodoo doll of me away because you have finally been approved for your mortgage!”Our Advisor.

We have reached a new milestone in our marriage; we are officially homeowners. 

We went into contract back at the end of April, and for the last few weeks we have been dealing with the mortgage company. Some mistakes were made causing the whole process to be backlogged. Plus, add in my unconventional job (a.k.a- I live a lot of my life outside of the books ::cough cough:: if you know what I mean ::cough:: ::cough::) and it’s been a long nightmare for us and the processor. Let’s be honest, as much as it annoyed us, I can only imagine how time consuming our little mortgage was for them, so I think it’s save to say we’re all relieved we won’t be e-mailing each other as much anymore.

There is so much that goes into buying a house from inspections, the mortgage, insurance, title changes, taxes, surveys; it’s a whirlwind of paperwork and when it’s your first time buying anything this large, it’s all just so overwhelming. 

Our ranch on a lot of land (almost an acre, which, on Long Island, a.k.a. the home of the first suburb, is A LOT) may need some landscaping, but, it’s ours. We fought tooth and nail through a lot of turmoil, and it’s ours. The beautiful hardwood floors, the brand new kitchen, the extensive finished basement, the lights in the closet. ACTUALLY HAVING A CLOSET. It’s all ours. Soon, I’ll be able to wake up and get out of bed on a side of the bed! Not haphazardly climb to the edge of the bed and precariously step over a sleeping dog and somehow balance my way into the bathroom!

I sit and daydream about what it’ll be like to live there. To have an office (that I’m definitely painting a rich, midnight blue), where I can write and keep my drafts and my books. Oh, all my books! I imagine what it will be like to sit in our kitchen, or watch movies in our basement together. I envision friends visiting, and actually being able to sleep over. I also am so proud we are now able to give Emmett the yard he deserves. Moosh has already been to the house numerous times

Last night we sat together on the counters of our apartment and looked around what we built together in two years. Our apartment may be small, but, it was our home through so many life events. It was where we stayed up until 2 a.m. editing my book together ( I couldn’t type because of my carpal tunnel so Mark typed it while I sat next to him.) It’s where we spent our first Christmas together. It was our home that taught us about compromise, communication, and every day we were able to spend together there, we learned more about one another. Most importantly, it was our home that taught us that we could afford a home of our own.

Here’s to a new adventure together. I can’t wait to make this house a home with you, babe.

 

(he reads this blogs all the time, so shush your judgement) 

 

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Do What You Love

 

 

I was sixteen years old when the movie “Little Miss Sunshine” was released. I had just lost my grandpa, sat mostly in my journals trying to figure out why the world was so unfair, and didn’t interact much with anyone. My grandpa was such an integral part of my childhood, and, it took me a long time to forgive the universe for taking him away from me when I was still young. It’s funny how hindsight works, right? He was sickly, every month he had to go to a hospital for a “detox” from all of his pills, could barely breath on his own… but, at sixteen, I only saw how the world affected me. Teenagers have been compared to having the mindset of a psychopath, and, I’m glad to say I’ve grown out of that single minded thought process. (or, at least we’re trying to- I’m sure we all have our days) 

Anyway, back to the point of this post…

I watched “Little Miss Sunshine” one day when I was home alone. I sat on our couch eating baby carrots with my childhood dog (honestly, life hasn’t changed that much. Except now I sit with my 80lb lab savagely putting his nose into my baby carrot bag like he’s still tied to a pole in NYC like how they found him). I watched the movie with little reaction to it overall. Yes, Alan Arkin steals the movie with his snark, but, remember- I was a self indulgent sixteen year old; not much stirred a reaction from me. It wasn’t until the end of the movie that something struck a nerve, and it was this line in particular:

“You do what you love, and fuck the rest.” 

Having spent my life very conventionally, this line seemed radical to me. To this day, it is a mantra that echoes in the back of mind. This line forged an idea in my brain that I could do what I loved; I just had to discover what that was. At this point, I had been writing regularly (I have all the journals to prove it!), had shown interest in “picture taking”, and had just joined Facebook- where notes was becoming all the rage. In so many ways, this line snapped me out of my funk, and it encouraged me to find something to love, and to just do it.

Remember that hindsight I mentioned? In hindsight, watching that movie on that lonely afternoon became a pivotal turning point for me and my life. Funny how that works, right?

As I sit here now, listening to my mother in law sing pieces of music to my husband (she retired this year and is giving Mark 30 years worth of music), I realize just how true that line still is. For 30 years, my mom in law did what she loved- through the politics of the education system, through the difficult parents, through the horrible students that she might have crossed paths with. No obstacle stopped her from singing, and, teaching children the beauty and importance of music in their lives.

This week has been another turning point for me (I mean, hell, I wrote on here three times!) and, I hope this renewed energy continues.

Happy Weekend, and remember- do what you love.

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