I have desired to create my life, outside of the norm, for years now. Working in the restaurant gave me the construct to stay at home and write, submit articles to online magazines, create a profile and a tone for myself. It allowed me to be creative until it didn’t anymore; when I took on a role with more responsibility.
That role has given me confidence in my vision. It has given me the maturity to follow my dreams, it has lit a fire in my soul to book as many events as possible. That job showed me that “drive”, “savvy”, “creative vision”, were already words in my vocabulary. This job has shown me that I can create a business, even when it is a little harder. While I have gotten better and better at that job, my wish to write, photograph, create, slowly dissipated.
Many creatives might be able to understand this feeling; the hamster wheel, the maniac moments where a million ideas come to you, but the limitation in time to execute them all. To some, those who do not live in a world where you just want to make more beautiful, this might seem like it’s just an excuse. Trust me, sometimes it is.
A few weeks ago, I was told that I am directionless. I’ve published stories I wrote on a whim, I designed t-shirts, I write on this blog with such a lack of consistency that I wonder if anyone will even read this, I love photography, interior design, and I love the event planning. Exhausting, right?
For a moment, I believed this was right. I graduated college, and never established a full career for myself. Event planning has been the most consistent job I have had, and yet, I still want for more. For a moment, I allowed this thought to cloud my mind, until I realized one simple thing.
I’m not directionless, my direction is to create a beautiful world around me. My direction is to create, express, play around with ideas, and what’s even better is that I follow through with these creative dreams.
I published two children’s books not to “be famous” or “get rich”. I published them to show myself that I can do it. To motivate myself to sit down, write the story, edit the story, design the characters, live with the characters in my world. And, if you think Audrey won’t have a sequel the real story I wanted to write you’re crazy. Today, I live with two other characters; they’re older, going through life as a journey together, in parallel worlds that always connect. I can write their story confidently to because I wrote Audrey’s and Pete’s.
I designed a t-shirt because it’s a great fucking saying and I might as well be the one to create it before Forever 21 steals my design.
I write on this blog because writing is an outlet. Even more, I have loved being able to read back on some of my more special moments. The struggle with blogging for me is the line of personal I want to reach.The digital world has created a lot of ability to “share”, and as I get older, I continue to curate what I share. Privacy isn’t the worst thing.
And, lastly, there’s photography. A few years ago I became a certified photographer. At work, I photograph the events, I stage photos for instagram content, when with my family, I try to capture moments. It’s the perfect way to share the way I see the world. In August, I received a recommendation to shoot a family. That shoot has led to three more family shoots. And, this time, I thought to myself “you obviously can photograph people in a unique way. Let’s do this the right way.” Which has led to my recent decision to enroll in a course titled “Business for Photography”.
It’s not to say I’m leaving my job. It’s just to say that I am looking at my future. If I’m looking to create my world, photography is the best outlet to do so. It allows me to create, it allows me to stage, it allows me to be in event settings, and it allows me to live in the beautiful world I see. Enrolling in school allows me to learn the correct way, to build a business slowly, without the pressure to build the business quickly because we need the money. Enrolling in school excites me; my craving of knowledge fulfilled.
So, to all the people who might feel directionless; you’re not. You’re off the beaten path and that’s entirely okay. Continue down your path until you feel fulfilled.